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Entry tags:	colloyd, horror, multi-chapter, r, romance, tales of symphonia, the devil's love song

The Devil's Love Song: Chapter Six (Tales of Symphonia)
Title: The Devil's Love Song (Chapter Six)
Author: Queenie Z
Fandom: Tales of Symphonia
Rating: R
Warnings: Lloyd/Colette, violence, gore, strong language, adult situations, multi-chapter
Spoilers: Various end-game details

Summary: As Lloyd's guilt only hastens his descent into madness, who will be there to save him - the demons within him, or the angel he loves?

The Devil's Love Song
Chapter Six: Devotion

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The next few hours or so went by like a dream; as if Lloyd's reality had completely shattered in favor of the nightmare he had harbored in his own mind. However, the weight of what he had done seemed far too real to be a nightmare - not even his worst nightmares could have ended this way. He had killed an innocent person. He killed them in cold blood. He was a criminal. He was a murderer.

His own realizations made him uncontrollably shake with fear as he curled himself up on Zelos' couch. The older Chosen was with him, watching him closely and doing his best to keep his best friend calm.

"Lloyd," he said, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders, "calm down. You're shaking again."

He stayed silent, his shuddering growing more and more violent. Zelos simply sighed.

"I guess it's useless telling you that now, huh?" he said sadly. "Goddammit. If only we’d found you earlier..."

Lloyd began to scratch at his head, mumbling something incoherent to himself, cracking under the torment of his own thoughts. Zelos saw this and grabbed his hands.

"Stop that," he said sternly, "you'll hurt yourself."

"I deserve to."

"No you don't. Look, everything's gonna turn out okay," Zelos said half-heartedly. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure if anything was going to turn out all right after this. He looked at the bruises on Lloyd's face. "I guess Tybalt whacked you around pretty good, didn't he? When the time comes, we'll just plea self-defense at His Majesty's court." He smiled hopefully. "It's the truth, right? You'd never just go out and kill somebody for -"

"You don't know me!!"

"Don't even start talking like that!" said the redhead angrily, "If anybody around here knows you, it’s me. You wouldn't go around killing people like that - it's not you!"

"Zelos," said Lloyd weakly, hugging his legs to his chest, "I killed him. I killed someone who had nothing to do with me." He buried his head into his knees. "I wanted to kill him. I enjoyed killing him. I’m... I'm a monster...!"


Zelos stared at the broken boy in disbelief. This kid had saved him - he had saved countless of people - how could this have happened? Furthermore, why did it have to happen to Lloyd? He stood up and sighed once more.

"Just... to hell with it. I’m breaking out the absinthe," he said, walking towards the kitchen. "I’ll pour you a glass, too. Maybe it’ll help you chill out."

Lloyd didn't bother to watch him leave. He could feel his head throbbing from his earlier confrontation and from every thought that screamed in his head. Killer, murderer, criminal - he couldn't be forgiven. He didn't deserve to be forgiven.

"A criminal? Do you really think so?"

He glanced up to see his doppelganger looming over him. He panicked, scurrying to the other side of the couch, desperate to get away from this thing he couldn't even call real.

"Y-you... go away..." he pleaded, gripping the fabric of the couch tightly, "Leave me alone...!"

The image simply leaned closer, looking through Lloyd with dead eyes. "You did what you had to do. If that despicable pervert hadn’t died, who knows what he would have done to Colette?"

"But - but I killed him! I killed him with my own two hands!!"

"So what?" The other placed his face dangerously close to Lloyd's. "You’ve killed countless of Desians who got in your way – all so you could protect your precious Colette from having to be sacrificed!" He smiled. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

In a fit of terror, Lloyd grabbed a lamp from the nearby end table and began to swing at the being before him. However, to his horror and astonishment, the lamp simply passed right through him. He froze, dropping the lamp to the ground.

"Who... who are you...!?"

Chuckling to himself, the image stood up and began to speak. "You fool. Isn’t it obvious? I’m everything you’ve ever wanted to be. I’m the one who can give you the strength you’ve always desired. I’m the protector, the warrior, the keeper of the truth which you’ve kept hidden from yourself for so long. There’s nothing in this world you want more than to live peacefully with the one you love until the end of your days." He walked to the back of the sofa and placed his hands on Lloyd's shoulders, startling him when he realized he couldn't even feel his touch. "But... So many calamities have befallen her. So much pain and suffering has come between you and the one dream that keeps you alive. And it’s all the fault of this pathetic, forsaken world!"

Beads of sweat rolled down the petrified boy's face and neck, new ones forming at each sentence the other spoke.

The doppelganger gently continued. "Lloyd... this is the fate for which you were born - to create a world with no pain. A world where nobody can take Colette away from you. A world just for the two of you. Together, we can make that dream possible. Together, we can judge this wicked world with our own hands. You can keep her by your side, Lloyd, and I can help you." He leaned in once again, whispering in Lloyd's ear. "Well?"

Lloyd yelled and leapt off of the couch, dashing up the stairs, not bothering to look back at his reflection. This wasn't what he wanted - none of this was what he wanted! He didn't want to hurt anybody, he didn't want to be terrified of his own mind; all he wanted was to be with her... all he wanted was to not be alone...

He leaned against the wall at the top of the stairs, catching his breath. He was teetering on the edge. He was about to break down, giving into this excruciating madness that was brewing within his own head. However, he heard a muffled sob coming from the room next door, and instantly recognized who it was.

Slowly, Lloyd walked over to the door, reaching for the handle. No. He couldn't go inside - he had no right to. He wanted to open the door and comfort Colette. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. But he couldn't. Not after everything he had done. He lowered his hand and turned to walk away.

"Lloyd..."

He froze.

"It's you, isn't it?"

The boy hung his head in shame, unable to answer her.

"Why did you do it, Lloyd?" she asked tearfully. "Was it... because of me?"

Lloyd leaned against the door and slumped into a sitting position.

"It's my fault... if I hadn't let him do that to me... you wouldn't have..."

"No!" he cried, "You're wrong! This wasn't your fault! It was..." He glanced down at his hands, clenching them tightly. "It was mine!"

Silence came from behind the door. Lloyd continued.

"I thought I could be the one to protect you. I wanted to keep you safe with me." He began to tremble, a tear rolling down his cheek and into his lap. "I wanted it... I wanted it so badly... I hurt Zelos... and I - I killed an innocent person..." The weight of his guilt finally realized, he drew his knees up to his chest, holding them tightly like a scared child. "But now... now I could never be good enough for you. I'm a murderer. I don't deserve someone like you." He finally broke down into loud sobs, his spirit completely shattered. "I don't deserve to be alive...!!"

Colette listened as he confided his feelings to her - his love, his hatred, this guilt and mania that had buried itself deep inside of him... she opened the door and threw her arms around him, just barely containing her own tears.

"I believe in you," she said. "The Lloyd I know wouldn't do this. The person I saw murder that man - that wasn't the real you."

Lloyd lifted his head, looking back at the girl.

"You've done so much for me," she continued, placing her cheek between his shoulder blades. "You saved me. Because of you, I could finally live for myself. So now... I'm going to save you. I'll save you, Lloyd - I promise."

Her words began Lloyd's tears anew. He lowered his head and grabbed her hands, clinging to them desperately, as if the fear and the hatred and the madness would return the moment he let her go. He had always needed Colette - but now, he needed her more than ever.

"Colette," he quietly pleaded, "please... help me..."